DOÑA KEATING
Management Consultant, Leadership
Strategist, Speaker & Author
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The Fall of Common Courtesy?

4/22/2013

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I had a robust discussion with a colleague this weekend. We covered political correctness and its pros and cons, the impact of the internet and social media on communications, and in his words - the fall of common courtesy.

We are generally of similar mind when it comes to the majority of these topics, though I must say I don't share his draconian view of a society lost with regard to manners.

Still, it was hard to ignore the truth in his comments per my own experiences: occasions when I received emails from a friend, acquaintance, or colleague requesting a favour without so much as a personal greeting or 'hope you and family are well'. Silence after reaching out (or in) to honour those I know when I learned of their achievements, or to offer an ear or good will when I received information that all may not be well.

We live in a hyper-distracted world where some can no longer be bothered with expressing gratitude that someone took a moment out of their day to care. Don't get me w wrong -- I'm sometimes as plugged into work and technology as the next person. Nonetheless, I'm a bit of a throwback when it comes to taking the time for the little things, making the effort to engage in a meaningful way.

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Throughout my life, I've traversed the world in search of self whilst feeding my thirst for adventure and connection to Mother Earth. During one such experience, I stopped at the Grand Canyon. Immediately drawn into the surroundings, I walked to the edge of a precipice and climbed over a railing to sit atop a makeshift stool which jutted out over the ravine. A nearby group of Japanese tourists cried out in alarm and gestured wildly in my direction. Either they believed I planned to jump, or were simply dismayed at the risk I'd assumed.

Once I reached my perch, I sat for hours taking in the smell, sounds, and sights...watching a feather float, twirl, glide, and dive. Occasionally it would caress a landing, but inevitably it rose again to wind its way on the path to nowhere and everywhere. By the time I decided to depart for my next destination, the feather had still not made its approach towards the bottom of the canyon. The Floating Feather had no agenda as it danced and surrendered to the wind and elements on each aspect of its journey. Whether it reached the bottom of the canyon or found a final destination wasn't the point.

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In some respects I envy that freedom, but the ultimate takeaway was a reminder to appreciate living in each moment fully - sometimes without expectation or attachment to outcomes. Though not always easy, putting this into practice means extending myself to others without dwelling on those who don't say thank you, or who are accustomed to taking without an interest in soul-connection in the same manner I tend to prefer. This doesn't excuse rudeness, mind you - and I have healthy boundaries which minimise association with those who might repeatedly trample through my garden in combat boots. Hard to beat the feeling which emerges from the true Spirit of magnanimity, however, which can make it well worth the bumpy terrain.

So back to my colleague.

For the past few months, his email signature line read (And yes, he's an attorney; don't hate him): “A lawyer can be firm and tough-minded while being unfailingly courteous. Indeed, there is a real power that comes from maintaining one’s dignity in the face of a tantrum, from returning courtesy for rudeness, from treating people respectfully who do not deserve respect, and from refusing to respond in kind to personal insult.” - Lander v Council of the Law Society of The Australian Capital Territory [2009] ACTSC 117 at paragraph 24 (22)".

Needless to say, I've borrowed this spot on sentiment.

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