Recently, I had an exchange with an instructor who wanted to solve what she believed was the problem. As we communicated further and I provided additional information, it was clear to any objective observer the issue was different. Nonetheless, she began to propose a solution, and rejected input to the contrary on the basis of her education and instinct. In other words, she knew better.
After yet another unsuccessful attempt to penetrate this pseudo-omniscient wall, she demanded an in-person conference to alleviate miscommunication and share her philosophies. At which point, presumably, her brilliance would convince us she was right and her path had to be taken. I value my time and don't play games, so my response was a firm and final 'no'. The next morning, her formal extrication from our contract was found in my inbox, with one last insistence that the issue was her version.
The experience was a reminder of what can happen when even intelligent people come up short in the art of listening. Not only is there skill involved, but trust, maturity, patience, and a willingness to dispense with ego so others can be truly heard. Our inner voice becomes clearer, and what initially feels passive quickly morphs into a highly creative force.
After yet another unsuccessful attempt to penetrate this pseudo-omniscient wall, she demanded an in-person conference to alleviate miscommunication and share her philosophies. At which point, presumably, her brilliance would convince us she was right and her path had to be taken. I value my time and don't play games, so my response was a firm and final 'no'. The next morning, her formal extrication from our contract was found in my inbox, with one last insistence that the issue was her version.
The experience was a reminder of what can happen when even intelligent people come up short in the art of listening. Not only is there skill involved, but trust, maturity, patience, and a willingness to dispense with ego so others can be truly heard. Our inner voice becomes clearer, and what initially feels passive quickly morphs into a highly creative force.
I've always enjoyed the energy of Ed Brodow and his negotiation camps. His Listening Tips and Tips for Asking Questions are simple, straightforward and spot on. Of particular resonance is his recommendation that one develop the desire to listen. You have to want to do it, and to view listening as a strong tool.
Embrace the value of this art, and choose to be present as a gift to ourselves and the partner with whom we've entered this mutually beneficial and sacred space.
Embrace the value of this art, and choose to be present as a gift to ourselves and the partner with whom we've entered this mutually beneficial and sacred space.
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